Hostel 2

Hostel: Part II

Jackass: The Movie

Why did I watch this?
Did anyone ask "why" before the first people sat down to preview Eraserhead?
Did anyone ask "why" before they saw the unveiling of the Mona Lisa?
Did they ask it when first they stepped into the Sistine Chapel to witness Michaelangelo's magnificence? Did they ponder on the purpose behind The Resurrection Of Christ and interrogate Raphael about it's meanings, until he could take it no more?
Did they ask Donatello why, of all the turtles, he spent so much time creating dumbass machines instead of eating pizza and being awesome like the rest of them? I mean, C'mon, even Leonardo could chill out once in a while, guy!
Did they ask Isaac Newton why he was going off to sit under a tree "till something inspirational happens"?!
Did they ask Einstein why he was remembered more for being a little bit crazy than being a little bit of a genius? I guess not since he'd be dead by then...
Did they ask why before Martin Luther King stepped before a vast audience gathered to hear him and delivered his "I have a dream" speech?

They probably did, I guess...

Wrong Turn 2

If you...














Are thinking...














Of Watching...














This film...














DON'T!



It doesn't even deserve a genuine clip or even a clip pretending it's from the film.
Seriously. This film was fucking aweful.

Zombie Town

Gotta make a move to a town that's right for me.
Town to keep me movin',
keep me groovin' with some energy.
Well, I talk about it, talk about it,
talk about it, talk about it.
Talk about, talk about, talk about movin'.
Gotta move on.
Gotta move on.
Gotta move on.
Won't you take me to Zombie Town.
Won't you take me to Zombie Town.

Zombies + Small Town = Killing People You Know!

This review sucks...
Zombie Town is a small independent film, which seems to have been made and is set in Vermont.
It has a great small-town feel that other zombie films don't which almost makes you reflect on the difficulties which might be faced if you had to fight zombies that you know, but instead makes you think "Oh my God I could totally kill my boss and that dick from across the street!"
The soundtrack sucked, but I don't like many horror soundtracks so I'll let that slide, especially considering this had a fair amount of gore.

Uh... um... HI OH!

Six String Samurai

Imagine if you will, a movie in which a character named "Buddy" represents all that is Rock And Roll after the death of Elvis Presley. Sounds simple and endearing? Yes, now let me add a few things to the equation here...

Imagine that the Americans lost the Cold War, very early on, and were nuked by the Russians in 1957. In the following years, Las Vegas becomes "Lost Vegas" and Elvis Presley is crowned King. Lost Vegas becomes a safe haven for all things American but when Elvis dies Vegas needs a new king, as the tagline implies. Here is where we meet Buddy, fully representing post-Elvis Rock 'n Roll. Here we also meet the Red Elvis' (or is it Elvi?), a group of Communist Elvis Presleys (the nerve!) who we find are out to kill our buddy Buddy! Probably because he's all-American and they're... well I'm not sure what they are.

Still following me?

Well what if instead of the Red Elvis' trying to kill Buddy, along come a group of synchronized bald bowlers who carry hunking maces in their bowling bags and have blades disguised as skittles who decide they have to kill Buddy instead? Why are they concealing weapons in conventional objects? Why are they bowlers? I think they represent the hum-drum pass-times of America that attempted to destroy the way Rock 'n Roll oughta be, man! Anyhow it's lucky that inside his '57 Hollow body Guitar our buddy Buddy conceals... a Samurai sword! And just happens to be the most kickin'est ass-est kung-fu fighting Rock 'n Roll guy you ever did see... and easily stops the bowling guys...

Then enter 4 dark strangers who look like rejects from Motley Crue, besides the leader who looks like Slash from Guns N Posers. They clearly have their eyes set on killing Buddy too! And clearly represent that demon of all demons, Heavy Metal.

Anyway, they stalk Buddy on his travels to Lost Vegas and along the way we find that the Heavy Metal hordes plan to also become king of Lost Vegas!

Along the way Buddy encounters and kills a host of bizarre people, a family who despite the post-apocalyptic wasteland they live in, are still putting on a facade of the American dream. A wannabe rock n' roller, who Buddy tells to "Go get a picket fence somewhere", kick ass! A bunch of guys in moon-suits, who I think represented "the man", boy did Buddy ever do one over on them. And eventually a Russian General, who had a penchant for folk music and polka. I'm not sure if he represented Communism, Bod Dylan, Hippies or all three...

Anyway, the point is I had a dream last night in which I met Ellen DeGeneres and not only did she turn out to be a very pleasant person, but in fact become some what of a mentor of mine teaching me how to deal with day to day struggles and helping me learn true meaning in life. That was up until I was tragically killed in a car accident! But I was still among everyone as a ghost, and I kept flipping things around to haunt them, then Ray Barone (Because obviously, by this point I was on the set of Everybody Loves Raymond) suggests that it would be far funnier to haunt his mom, and so I did (I assume I did anyway, at this point my dream stayed on the people that weren't me while I went of to "haunt") until Ray's mom comes running in with her night mask on in a hilarious scene of American sit-comedy!
Then it turns out I wasn't really dead, everyone was just pretending they couldn't see me "for a laugh".
Then I woke up and mused about how the dream was more coherent than Six String Samurai.

And it's true!

Here's a trailer that confirms that what I said about this movie is true...