Monday, April 20, 2009

The Day The Earth Stood Still (2008)

Cast: Keanu Reeves, Jennifer Connolly

Synopsis: An alien named Klaatu arrives on Earth spreading good will and cheer to all it's citizens until he realizes we're a bunch of assholes who deserve to die (Roughly two seconds after landing). Jennifer Connolly acts overly concerned about everything as per usual.

Review: All I'm going to say is that I shouldn't have listened to a single review I read about this film. All I heard about it was that firstly, it was too preachy and went on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on about how much we're polluting and being evil to the world around us and it got glib and secondly, that the flying bug things were inconsistent - one minute rampaging through whole buildings and the next taking a tense amount of time to shatter glass. That second point seemed moot to me even reading reviews since this is sci-fi and if there wasn't gaping holes and inconsistencies it wouldn't be authentic but I assumed that either the reviewer was retarded or that it was really bad in this film.

However these are lies! The film is in no way too preachy. It's message that "If the Earth dies, we die. If we die, the Earth lives." is, in my opinion, a basic fact. Whether we're going to choke the planet and most of the life on it to death in our lifetime or the next or the one after that is debatable but it's obvious we can't keep pumping shit into the air and water left and right without it damaging the Earth and we already see the effects of deforestation and pollution in the world today so frankly anyone who thought a film that had maybe three pieces of dialogue referring to how much of a bunch of scum-sucking fuck-cunts we all are for not giving a flying fuck about the world around us is "too preachy" can fuck off and die. What I translate these reviewers as saying is "I got uncomfortable with someone pointing out that we really do suck and probably should die to save the rest of the animals".

And the second point is less relevant. The reviewers who said this were being doubly retarded because throughout the film when the stupid flying bug things (Which in themselves don't make much sense anyway so who cares if one thing they do is a little off?) tear through whole buildings in a second when there is a whole swarm of them and take ages to get through glass when there are so few of them that you can't even see them. I thought personally it was obvious being that when one was happening you could see stuff and when the other was happening you couldn't. I think that was a tricky way the film-makers went about making it blatantly fucking obvious what was going on and not being "inconsistent" like the foagy assed reviewers who all got up in this film's face about flaws in logic and preachy dialogue seem to believe, probably because they drive hummers to work and get free hand-outs and hand-jobs from rival studios who want to see Keanu Reeves fail!

Fuck you reviewers who hated this film! Fuck you all!

Having said all that, the film was kind of shitty - but not for the reasons anyone else said.

In Short: Watch this film with Al Gore and see if he thinks it's too preachy.

Biggest Positive: The slight change in Klaatu's demeanour from the original into being a fairly well-informed alien who doesn't get overwhelmed with compassion towards the human race in the way the original teatered on doing.

Biggest Negative: A film with Jennifer Connolly and no David Bowie is no film at all.

The Day The Earth Stood Still's preachy inconsistent website

Trivia: Keanu Reeves modelled his performance in this film after a maniquin he saw in a Gap store front.

To see my review of the original 1951 version: The Day The Earth Stood Still (1951)

And here's a pre-Review I did on my YouTube account before the film was released in cinemas:


Tifu said...
Hoho! Semi-relevent. Kind of.

Are the bugs nanomachines? The answer to this question will determine if I pick up the DVD maybe?!?!

Anonymous said...

YES! At least I think the answer is yes.


Spike Vicious said...

I think... they're not nanoscopic but in other ways act like nanobots...