House By The Cemetery

Cast: Catriona McColl, Paolo Malco, Giovanni Frezza, Ania Pieroni's amazing caterpillar eyebrows.


Synopsis: A New York couple move into a house in New England which is, as one might guess, not next to a cemetery at all... what? Well a cemetery at least plays a role in the film but I fail to see why this film wasn't called "House With A Cemetery Within Walking Distance". Whatever. Killings ensue blah blah.


Review: While it's true that the acting is pretty awful, the unnecessary close ups of people's eyes are pointless at worst and shaky at best and the child in the film is so obnoxious that you're wishing death upon him as soon as you see his smug little albino-looking chops enter the screen, if you're looking for a film with the longest, most drawn out, gory, bat killing sequence in cinema history then look no further than The House By The Cemetery!


In Short: This movie was directed by Lucio Fulci which means it's both great and awful at the same time. The plot is wafer thin but the gore is fairly abundant.


Biggest Positive: The gore, quite clearly was the most redeeming feature of this film...


Biggest Negative: Everything that wasn't gory.


Trivia: This film was shot in less than two minutes and in five different languages.

A Review of House By The Cemetery by someone who possibly gives a flying fuck about actually reviewing things properly