Haute Tension/High Tension

Fuck you!




High Tension's Official Internetwebs Location

The Mad

"Does Anyone Have Anymore Questions Or Comments On The Subject Of Zombies?"

Ever wonder what would happen if a plain old mundane ordinary run-of-the-mill dullsville disease like, oh I don't know, Mad Cow Disease was in any way interesting and turned people into awesome blood eating Zombies?
Well... wonder no longer because there's...

THE MAD

In "The Mad" a family trip to middle-of-nowhere-ville turns into a relatively ridiculous frolic filled with zombies created by people unknowingly eating tainted toxic beef from a local crackpot's farm, gun toting locals, mindless references to 80's electronic music and one unnecessary blow job scene.

As far as regular horror films go, it's pretty tame, but if you're a zombie film fan it's probably worth a look (If you can find it, I imagine it's not the easiest one to come across by conventional methods...). Definitely gives a comedic and alternative look at a group of people dealing with a zombie uprising similar to Shaun Of The Dead in that respect (Though The Mad is slightly more retarded. I'm sorry, I mean The Mad is slightly more Intellectually Challenged, and not nearly as awesome as Shaun Of The Dead)
It boasts the best scene explaining zombies I've seen in a zombie film to date. Most films have them, at that point when people realise it's zombies, not people, they're dealing with but The Mad's take on that scene was one step above par. Or is it below par? In golf, below par is good, right? But if I said "The Mad is one step below par" it'd sound derogatory, right?? right?!

Whatever, answers on a postcard, here's a trailer.

The Mad's IMDb Page

Short Circuit

Watched this little treasure last night. And I should stress very carefully that I wasn't in the mood for it. As soon as that tape started rolling (Or rather, as soon as those little electrical signals started sending, as we watched it on NetFlix - Watch It Now)I was launched into the mood! This movie is every bit as awesome as I remember, with the added bonus that you suddenly realise that the Indian (As in, next to Pakistan) Doctor guy is fairly racist! Ah the joys of the dark gloomy doomed racist era of the 80's before anyone really thought we were all born equal! Hold on, that sounded like communist propoganda! It also sounded like I supported racism! This film was a blatant exercise in neo-nazi inflammatory evil mind-washing and should have all copies burned and destroyed save for one copy, which should be kept in a glass case in a museum in Auschwitz to serve as an example. Years from now people can pass through and see the darkness that once, many decades ago, fueled enough racial hatred and radical ideas about machines having minds of their own to send the world toppling into the greatest depression it has ever seen. Not to mention the great "Short Circuit Wars" of '91. It's a little known fact that both conflicts in and around Iraq were a direct result of Presidents' viewing this very film. This clip is actually only referencing Short Circuit 2, in which Johnny 5 learns the true meaning of Christmas.

Johnny 5 Fan Site

The Aviator

Today's review is of...

THE AVIATOR

The Aviator was about 2 hours too long but contained at least 30 minutes of really excellent scenes that make you think it's worth sitting through all the nonsense in between them.

Footnote: Replace "The Aviator" with any other film by Martin Scorsese and you have a relatively accurate review of every movie he ever made

The Aviator's Official Site

El Laberinto Del Fauno/Pan's Labyrinth

Two of these facts are false, see if you can guess which ones!

Pan's Labyrinth is entirely in Spanish.
Pan's Labyrinth features a Faun.
Pan's Labyrinth has fascists.
Pan's Labyrinth features Guerrilla warfare.
Pan's Labyrinth created the International House of Pancakes as a replacement for the League of Nations.
Pan's Labyrinth features some torture scenes that shit all over Eli Roth's Hostel.
Pan's Labyrinth includes one scene where someone gets their face beaten in with a bottle.
Pan's Labyrinth has the coolest walking death scene I ever saw.
Pan's Labyrinth features a freaky thing with long fingernails that reminds me of Voldo from Soul Caliber.
Pan's Labyrinth has no problem with removing the last chip from a Pringles can.
Pan's Labyrinth reminded me of Vandal Hearts, though I'm not sure why.
Pan's Labyrinth is the best movie I saw yesterday.





Official Pan's Labyrinth Site