Monday, June 8, 2009

Into Thy Hands

Cast: Bill Zebub, Debbie Dee

Apparently this film was about a man who thought he was the second coming of Christ... uh...

Review: This was an abominable waste of everyone's time. Clearly somewhere in the dirty dirty shores of New Jersey a long haired hell's angel type (Named "Bill Zebub" no less...) was tired of listening to the local Death Core Metal scene and decided he would set about making a video in which he could play the sweaty lead role while a bunch of girls took their clothes off and let him look at them and, if he could get the right "actresses", touch them. *Bill Zebub titters like a school girl*

I can only imagine the looks he got when he was putting his script out there...

Bill Zebub: So what do you think?

Producer: Uh... Mr. Zebub, we don't make porn flicks here.

Bill Zebub: This isn't porn! This is a deeply anti-religious piece in which I reflect on man's inhumanity to even the Heavenly Father's son who was sent to save us as he returns to Earth in a vengeful state. It's a pseudo-cult modern day classic tale...

Producers: Right... and why is there a naked chick in every scene?

Bill Zebub: Because I like titties.

Producer: And why are you playing the lead role?

Bill Zebub: Because I like titties.

Producer: And why should we make this film?

Bill Zebub: Because you like titties?

Producer: Sold!

In Short: This was the biggest pile of shit I've ever had the misfortune to sit through and unlike "Home Made", I'm not going ot feel bad if Mr. Bill Zebub stumbles upon this review and cries himself to sleep about it.

Biggest Positive: It was only about an hour long. Had all the unnecessary close ups of candles and awkwardly long non-sex scenes been cut it would have been a five minute short.

Biggest Negative: The whole fucking disaster. Nothing was good about this film.

Bill Zebub's website - I haven't been here so enter it at your own risk.

Trivia: "Into Thy Hands" is used in some underground Korean medical circles to induce vomitting.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

My favorite part was when the severed arm got in Debbie Dee's underwear. Wait, no.

Don't forget, you didn't actually sit through this. We quit. You just feel like you sat through the entire thing because what we managed to sit through was really fucking awful.