Thursday, July 17, 2008


Basically what happens in Face/Off, for those of you who are unaware, John Travolta steals Nicolas Cage's face. The reasons for this are obvious, you see, Nicolas Cage is a terrorist (A true movie terrorist, who seems to have no motive or reason and just enjoys blowing things up and killing people) and the only way to get answers about where the big scary bomb is, is to steal his face and talk to his brother! Obviously waterboarding, electrocuting and pistol whipping suspects wasn't quite as popular back then... in fact I wonder how Mr. Travolta's anti-terror unit functioned since I'm not sure I saw them even try and question their suspect before they resorted to complicated, dangerous and fairly implausible surgery to get their answers.

This all essentially leads up to a random scene where a bunch of guys get wasted and just keep saying "Face.... off!" over and over again. To me, it seemed like just a little bit of "Movie Masturbation" (A term I think I just invented, thank you!), essentially to give the guys down at Crap Trailers Inc. something to work with.

At the beginning of the movie you may wonder to yourself why it seems like Nicolas Cage is seemingly trying to act, something very rarely seen from him and with good reason, and why John Travolta isn't being a loud-mouthed obnoxious fuck-hole as usual but it becomes apparent that they sort of had to try and be one another at first since they both had to swap places for most of the film.

If you haven't seen Face Off some of your well intentioned, booze hound friends may tell you this movie is "Worth a watch at least" or worse still, "Good for a laugh" but believe me when I tell you that you should fuck them in the earhole and run a mile before they can catch up with a copy of it on DVD. Seriously, what kind of fucking maniacal sadist makes a movie like Face Off? And on top of that, what kind of a shit-faced mental patient decides to cast John Travolta and Nicolas Cage? In the same movie? I nearly died from sheer disgust trying to watch this film through to the end! But I made it, and believe me, you don't want to even try and go there... save yourself and burn every copy of Face Off you can find.

Having said that, it's worth watching... for a laugh.

If you're reading this review on my actual blog, and not through my notes in Facebook, I've attached a video in which someone quite wisely summarizes Face Off into a 2 minutes and 21 second long video, to save people the trouble of watching the whole movie...

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