Saturday, July 5, 2008


Basically in this film the bad guy from "Blade" gets sent to Moscow to steal a fancy cross as punishment for being hit by a car.

When he gets there he discovers that all Russians talk English, even to each other, in fake accents and somehow everything they say is made 10 times more humorous because of it!
That last part may have sounded sarcastic but it was true. The term "Bullying, cannibalism and homosexual rape", both spoken and in typed format does nothing to the funny bone but make a gigantic burly (fake) Russian say it to a squeamish nerdy (Russians aren't ever really nerdy, even in this film he turns Bad-ass by the end) guy called Dmitri (Also a fake Russian) and it's laughs-a-hoy!

Anyway, in his short hijink filled romp in Russia, the bad guy from Blade discovers that in spite of their humorous accent and strange customs of chopping people's heads off with large retractable scissors the Russians really aren't that friendly and at least 50% of them (based on the number he met he must have come to this conclusion) worship Ivan the Terrible, being the only historical figure besides Yeltsin that anyone outside of Russia has ever heard of. And I'm not even that sure he was Russian (Wikipedia says he was about as Russian as they come. I'm an idiot).
The 90 minutes which make up this film basically consist of a ripe mix of about 25% humor, 74% blood, 1% something else. Much like many independent horror films it's following the trend of going for a few cheap laughs along the way... not that it's a bad trend, mind you, but I think we're at the crest of that particular wave and it's only a matter of time before Hollywood churns out a mega-blockbuster that follows in the direction of all these relatively awesome films and suddenly the small(ish) following for such films will be so sick and tired of how "cool" they've become that they'll have to get into something else, like Magic: The Gathering or something, instead of wasting their time on movies with no plot and all gore.

I mean... this movie was pretty good, I'm only bad-mouthing the possible future of the horror-comedy genre as it will inevitably become stagnant and weak.
Probably around the time I finish my own screenplay and release my own horror-comedy.

Then everyone will gather on the streets to point and laugh at me.

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