Tuesday, August 26, 2008

Confessions Of A Superhero

Never have I felt sorry for a group of superheroes so much in my life...

Confessions Of A Superhero follows the lives of people who, if you saw in the street, you probably wouldn't think twice about. They dress up as superheroes (And various other film and TV characters), stand around on Hollywood Boulevard waiting for tourists to take pictures with them and then hope and pray that they receive a tip for it. Sounds like a harmless enough job and, like I say, you probably wouldn't think twice about these people... but what if you did?

THE HORROR!!!

These superheroes (the ones followed in this film at least, I can't speak for the rest of them) are aspiring actors who see themselves as landing roles in big Hollywood films sometime in the future and basically they're doing this tip-taking character posing as a job in the mean time. Kind of like working at a comic book store but with more dignity...


... hmmm... well anyway you get the picture. It's just a job like any other except I guess at least they're acting? So a step up? I dunno...

Anyhoo, the film follows 4 of the superheroes. Superman, Batman, The Hulk and Wonder Woman. And, although you feel a deep seeded, gut-wrenching, heart breaking sympathy for each and every one of their deluded little souls it's important to point out some info on them as individuals so that it's clear who's just a harmless fan and who's a raging psychopath who should be locked away forever...

Superman (Christopher Dennis) is a huge fan of Superman. I mean gob-smackingly huge. I don't find fanatics weird in any way though so this isn't a problem and in fact it only makes me feel like he probably really really really loves his job a lot. Since he doesn't come across as a creep at any point in the film this doesn't seem like a problem for anyone other than him and his wife who both have to live with a collection of posters, action figures (He had a "poster and action figure room" in his house!), memorabilia, movie soundtracks and collectible condoms scattered throughout their fine home...

The Hulk (Joe McQueen) isn't such a fan and is definitely much more open about the fact that he just wants to be an actor and is just doing this as a sideline... he was homeless for years after running to LA seeking fame and fortune and even attended auditions while he was living on the streets. Auditioners laughed at him. No-one hired him. And yet here he is, filling the movie with a chirpy optimism and relative lack of delusion that is somehow lost on the other 3 stars of the documentary... He's also the only one who seems to be making an acting career (so far) outside of dressing up as a superhero. Something to be said about chirpy optimism perhaps?

Wonder Woman (Jennifer Gehrt) is again very clear that this is just a job she does while waiting for her big break. She's also not too delusional but she lacks that optimistic whirl that's lifting Joe McQueen into prominent roles like "Henchman #2"... She needs to lighten up. And dress as a superhero people give a shit about.

And last but not least...

Batman (Maxwell Allen) who, true to the dark character of The Dark Knight, is a fucking nut-job. Not only is he dressing up as Batman but he's some sort of sociopath. He attends his therpay sessions as Batman where he proceeds to tell the Psychiatrist all about his dark (made up) "past" where he claims to have done errands for the mob (He grew up in Texas, by the way) including, but not limited to, beating the life out of people failing to pay debts, killing people (in unspecified ways) and knee-capping, even though earlier in the documentary he said he hadn't beaten up anyone while being an "enforcer" for the mob... get your story straight Batman! He also claims his ex was blown up in a tragic car accident that he was meant to be in...


... or perhaps he just didn't have a job for a while and watched a lot of TV. I mean a lot of TV.
But those days are behind him! Now he's just a habitual liar who threatens tourists who don't want their photo taken, bad-mouths Spider-man (Who in a real superhero battle would kick his ass, by the way), and probaby beats his wife when there aren't any cameras rolling (Seriously.).

That is until they announce he was arrested!

OMFG?!?

Were his Mob stories true?

Did the police track down his murderous past and find one of his many thousands of victims decapitated and buried in a shallow grave in the desert?

Nope.

He was arrested for disorderly conduct. He basically harassed a few tourists a little too much and then the police when they came to give him a ticket or a slap on the wrist or whatever they do...
Then, like the roving lunatic that he so clearly is, he decided to kick out the window in the squad car he was being taken away in?!?

Oh Batman, where did it all go wrong...

Fortunately only a quarter of the film is about Batman and therefor it doesn't turn into a comedy. Instead it's a gut-wrneching, tear jerking sob story...

I mean, Superman didn't even win the superhero look-a-like competition?
What the fuck is wrong with the World!?!?

Fuck it all...



The Real Superhero - the documentaries official website

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