Saturday, February 14, 2009

Friday the 13th (2009)

Cast: Amanda Righetti, Jared Padalecki, Danielle Panabaker, Travis Van Winkle, Derek Mears

Watch Friday the 13th parts I - III, mix them together and sprinkle in some Texas Chainsaw Massacre part 2. Take away any logic behind the character Jason Voorhees (i.e. that he's a giant musclebound mass of non-thinking killing machine and not some elaborate trap-setting mechanical engineer who one minute is carefully setting up complex alarm systems, well laid traps and training himself to be a perfect archer but the next minute is retarded enough to believe some random chick is his dead mom that he saw beheaded as a child) and turn it into a choppily editted, poorly directed mash-up mess of a movie and you have the basic premise behind this "remake" of Friday the 13th

Review: What has been seen, cannot be unseen.

In Short: I know if you're reading this that, like me, you can't resist the urge to go see this film but please take my advice, when you go drink a lot of beer and/or bring with you a healthy "shout at screen" attitude (Kudos to the guy who, when told to "shut the fuck up" by a fellow movie-goer, promptly yelled "Ooooh sorry! We might not be able to follow the intricate plot! Oh Shhh! What's Jason going to say?"). If you;re not prepared to see a pile of trash you'll only be sickened to your core

Biggest Positive: Some of the kills, the ones that were done in one continuous shot (e.g. the one under the pier) or at least weren't cut all over the place in the edit were pretty cool

Biggest Negative: The fact that the film exists at all.


Anonymous said...

My least favorite part was sitting in the front row and not actually being able to see the movie because I was too close.

I like to think there was some gore, but I might be wrong.

Spike Vicious said...

I'm sure there was some... There was a lot of red in places!

Anonymous said...

Yeah, lots of little pixels of red!

Who am I kidding! There weren't any PIXELS. Idiot!

Just pours. I could dive into peoples faces.