Wednesday, May 30, 2007

Batman Begins

Why do all the films I review of late not have taglines? The nerve! Mostly I assumed it was because they were just episodes of Masters Of Horror, but Batman Begins? Why doesn't Batman Begins have a tagline that I can easily find? It surely had one so if anyone knows it, please let me know... Anyhow... Today's review is of...
Batman Begins
Batman Begins follows the life of Bruce Wayne, multi-millionaire whiner who's parents were both killed as a child (as he was a child, not them, the film isn't that bizarre) and as a result he turns himself into a scary looking crime fighting freak show. In this particular installment, he must do battle with the sinister Dr. Crane while also dealing with some inner turmoil or something.
Dr. Crane is a psyholagtrist though, and perhaps could have helped ol' Brucey with his problems, in another life... the irony!
This movie is a vast improvement for Batman, as a character. The previous films about the caped loony really failed to get to grips with the deep underlying psychotic behavior that really drives a man to get all dressed up in leather and leap around town scaring children.
This installment of Batman, however, truly gets to the darker side of the dark knight that we haven't really seen since Adam West portrayed him in 1966... Christian Bale does an excellent job of playing Bruce Wayne, but his portrayal of Batman is a little off.
Hey, did anyone notice that Batman is only one letter shy from Bateman?
Hows about I spend the rest of this review making ridiculous comparisons to American Psycho?
Not even a little?
Not even just to make you imagine...

"I just wondered what the Joker's head would look like on a stick! haha!!"

Alright then... moving on to the more crucial points of the film...
...Michael Caine!
It seems you can't go anywhere these days without bumping into this lively cockney tosser! He's everywhere, from this film with Christian Bale to another film with Christian Bale!
I have to admit that I thought Alfred should have a slightly more upper class "I beg your pardon sir, but do you have any grey poupon?" sort of feel. I find it hard to imagine how this film was a success to any degree in America with all the jibberish he was spouting throughout! Once you get past the layers upon layers of Cockney Rhyming slang you can almost decipher some sort of sense, but that takes a while, believe me. Here's a little extract from the script. (translations in parentheses)

Alfred: Look, you're only supposed to blow the bloody doors off, Batman.


Alfred: Sorry matey, what oi meant ta say was you betta be gettin' down the "Nat King Cole" (Batpole) before the whole of "Washing Shitty" (Gotham City) is submerged under a ruddy great pile o' "Siberian Tiger Piss" (Persian tiger piss)

Batman: Alfred, I could kiss you.

Alfred: Now 'old on son! Just because you don't have your "Faithful Mule Dobbin" (Robin) don't mean you should be going all "Queer" (gay) on me! Now get out there before the "Texas 'Old Em Poker" (Joker) has turned everyone into "Members Of The Brotherhood Of Man" (zombies)

See? Indecipherable nonsense!
Anyhow, if you want a movie about heroism and bravery, go watch Spiderman 3, wimp! If you want a movie about... other stuff, like bats and Katie Holmes. Rent this!

Batman Begins get's a healthy 4/5!

Batman Begin's official site

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