Monday, January 7, 2008

Pirates Of The Caribbean: At World's End

There are some movies that are so hyped up that when you end up seeing them you're only deeply and sourly disappointed.
Other movies, however, get so hyped up that you automatically assume that they're going to suck goat-ass, then when you go to see them they're a thankful relief and you find that, for once, all the hype was for something!
This movie was thankfully one of the latter! I had heard so much about how brilliant it was, and how Johnny Depp was more amazing than ever, and how it was Disney so it must be good and it had that bloke from the Office in it, etc etc that I figured it was going to be a major fucking shit-fest, however was pleasantly surprised to find that Johnny Depp not only managed to salvage some life out of a part that had clearly been written by an Irish village drunk, but actually made him an enjoyable and brilliantly animated character. I never thought this would be a Depp performance to remember, but was proven wrong.
Even Keira Knightley wasn't as obnoxious as usual and her role was kept to a bare minimum.
It was superbly directed, with some awesome sword fights, great acting all round (even from Mr "I Might As Well Still Be Playing That Fucking Queer Elf" Bloom) and the cinematography was fairly amazing! I'm glad they didn't fall into that fucking pit of cinema where a lot of ship battle sequences are set at night time where you can't figure out what's going on for shit... if the film had contained those sort of sequences...

Oh wait, this was a review of the first Pirates Of The Caribbean.

No no no, Pirates Of The Caribbean: At Worlds End was a fucking miserable waste of 2 hours and 49 minutes of my life. The "legendary" Jack Sparrow was flaunted on screen as much as possible in the grim hope that Johnny Depp could somehow make a scene interesting just by standing there looking drunk. We are forced to follow a plot that we already gave up on in the last movie.
The worst character in the whole fucking film (Ms. Swan) is, for some inexplicable reason given a larger, more important role, with more lines and screen time, because God knows that what I was thinking while I watched the other two films was "Oh God, this film is pretty good but I wish they'd let the obnoxious fucking English stuck-up bitch have a little more screen time, that would make my FUCKING DAY!"
Seriously, the first Pirates Of The Caribbean was good. Better than good! On it's own and without the sequels tarnishing it, it was a great family action flick!
The second one was dragging in places but still entertaining in it's own way...
The third one should be burned.

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